Nobody is born with a charming personality; it takes time to develop one. However, there are a few people who lead charismatic lives, and we often see them cast a magnetic spell over others, inspiring confidence and respect. No matter how rich or poor they are, as soon as they walk into a room, they become the centre of attention.

American Psychiatric Association (1) has conducted studies and identified that personality traits differ from one individual to another. They define personality traits as “enduring patterns of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and oneself that are exhibited in a wide range of social and personal contexts.” Theorists consider traits to be fairly steady over time and play a significant part in influencing behaviour. For example, while some people are outgoing, others may be reserved.

There are a few indispensable tips to develop a charming personality:

Be yourself – I know this sounds really simple, but it isn’t. Most of the times, we are trying to imitate other people. Charming people are not fake, but they display the perfect side of their actual self. People who moan all the time and feel bitter are not charming, but people who actively choose not to be bitter are completely fascinating. You need to recognize your strengths and weaknesses. Start with your weaknesses and rectify them to become a better person compared to what you are at present. Being happy and positive all the time is the secret of being yourself.

Improve your posture – Correct posture gives the impression of self-assurance even if you are not feeling that way. Whilst walking, keep up a relaxed and authoritative upright posture – a straight spine, shoulders thrown back and your head in level with the ground. This may feel a bit odd when you first start to practice, but you will get used to it gradually. Relax your facial muscles and maintain a calm, pleasant expression. When you greet other people, try to keep a relaxed eye contact. A pleasant smile and a firm handshake will set the ball rolling.

Learn to accept – Be positive with others all the time and give utmost regard. Hold no grudges against others and see no faults. Once you practice to accept them the way they are, you will be perceived to be a charming person. For example, you can start smiling with real happiness on seeing other people. This boosts self-esteem in others and makes them feel important. They will instantly find you charming.

Appreciate others – To make others feel valuable, start appreciating them by making it a habit to say “thank you” every time, no matter how big or small the occasion is. By thanking people around you, you are increasing their self-confidence. Once this becomes a natural thing, you will start to genuinely care about others instead of making just an impression. This will help you develop a natural, charming personality.

Start complimenting others – As Abraham Lincoln once said, “Everybody likes a compliment.” When you start complimenting people around you in a positive manner, you can instantly see how happy others will feel. They will start to like themselves more and will return the kindness even more. The more important you make other people feel; the more charming they will consider you to be.

Curiosity is great – There is nothing more irresistible to come across a person who is interested in everything around him. Knowledge is power and it gives an edge in conversations with others. One thing to remember is it’s not about how much you know, but how much more you want to know.

Remember people’s names – Acknowledging people by their name during conversations is very important. It makes the other person feel valued and important. I know it is difficult for most people, but by repeating the person’s name when saying your name to that person can help you to remember it better. This way, people will generally warm up to you.

Be fearless – A courageous and adventurous approach towards life will captivate onlookers, leading them to learn more about you. People who smile all the time, dance or sing in public places and who are not afraid of making a fools of themselves, are considered to have a charming personality.

Although the above tips can assist you become more charismatic, but your charisma must come from within you and reflect you as an individual otherwise it will fall flat. On a positive note, everybody has the ability to be charismatic. All it takes is some practice to inculcate good habits and work on areas that need improvement.
Sources:
1) American Psychiatric Association

When the chips are down, we often hear our friends and well-wishers telling us, “Don’t worry, be happy”. But is it really possible to stay happy all the time? The answer is a resounding yes.

The most important thing to remember is: you deserve to be happy like everybody else. Don’t feel embarrassed about making it a top priority. There is no secret mantra to follow. In fact, you are the best person to understand how you feel and what gives you pleasure. You can give complete freedom to yourself and chalk out how you want to be happy.

Genuine happiness comes from setting challenging goals and not by comparing yourself with others. A happy life is one you create yourself – it cannot be copied from somebody else.

Dr Chris Johnstone and Miriam Akhtar – two positive psychologists from the National Health Service (NHS) (1) in England developed the Happiness Training Plan, an audio programme of day-to-day methods for a happier life. They drew on positive psychology research and their own personal experiences of overcoming depression.

They found that one of the most heartening prospects of positive psychology is that it can actually increase our capacity for happiness. According to the research, nearly 40% is under voluntary control. So even a born pessimist can cultivate the habit of becoming more optimistic and gain contentment in life.

If you want to spend more time being happy than sad, here are the seven secrets to attain happiness.

1. Building relationships

“No man is an island”, so the saying goes. It is quite true when it comes to happiness. Research shows that the happiest people in the world form cordial and close relationships, and nurture them for long periods of time.

Buddhists regard qualities like generosity increase happiness. Fulfilment is to engage with others and find a purpose in looking outwards. They value relationship with family, friends and community as an essential element for being happy.

2. Evaluate your priorities

Achieving short-term goals like a nice work-out at the gym or spending quality time with your family might change how you perceive your life. Major changes like moving to a new home or starting a new career might also help in the long run. You could try jotting down your thoughts and hopes in a notebook. This not only helps you prioritise what you need to to, but also can make you feel more in control.

3. Don’t try to be a perfectionist

The pursuance of happiness is a luxury in the modern world. We need to reduce the number of expectations in our lives and be content with what we have. First step towards that is to stop being a perfectionist and instead try for being good enough. Don’t compare yourself with others, instead trust your values and follow them. It’s better to set three manageable goals everyday compared to setting laborious twenty goals.

Of course, by this we do not mean you should not strive to do the best you can in life, but do not beat yourself up in seeking to be perfect all the time. It can bring on unnecessary stress which can effect family life and general happiness as it starts to weigh the mind down. Yes it is sometimes true that some of the most successful people in any given profession have always sought perfection in what they do and put in extremely long hours, but its often come at a price. Being tied to work means less time with family and friends. However, for some individuals happiness comes in the way of wealth and luxury, and if it means sacrificing family life to achieve it, then so be it. For them happiness might be measured in monetary and material terms. But for most people a compromise should be sought. One can be successful at work and business without overburdening himself.

4. Be flexible

This is the most effective strategy. Flexibility gives you a sense of autonomy, which plays a vital role in attaining self-fulfilment. Especially at workplaces, employees have the right to ask for flexible working hours and employers need a strong reason to refuse the request.

Researchers at America’s Brigham Young University observed 24,000 IBM employees and found that those with flexible working patterns were able to contribute 57 hours weekly, but their personal life started to crumble. However, those who worked for 38 hours a week fared far better and were more content in striking a balance between work life and personal life.

British company AA based some of its call centre staff at home and this resulted in increased productivity by more than thirty percent.

5. Live to work

In the modern world, people seem to be living to work rather than the other way round. Your job may be costing you more than you can imagine, especially if you need frequent holidays or spending more time at the aromatherapy spa or if you are consuming expensive ready-made meals too frequently. It makes financial sense to go part time and live a simpler life. Although your income might dip, you’ll be living more of a life.

A recent report by the thinktank The New Economics Foundation recommends the working week to be cut down to 21 hours. Spending less time at work could improve the quality of life greatly.

6. Get back to nature

Half an hour of prodding soil will cut down office stress far more efficiently compared to a glass of wine. Studies from the University of Bristol indicate that by touching friendly bacteria in soil has a parallel effect to taking antidepressants. The mental health charity Mind (2) found that 94% of people who take part in green activities such as gardening felt it had reduced depression.

Do thirty minutes of exercise three times a week and your overall feeling of happiness will improve by 20 percent. You don’t have to do anything physically exerting. Gardening, amateur dance or even vacuuming counts as exercise.

7. Laugh out loud

Have a good laugh couple of times a day. Watch a comedy or a cartoon show (I love watching The Simpsons, which is always good for a few laughs and takes my mind off worldly things) or read a book that tickles your funny bone. Laughter increases the blood flow to the heart, eases the muscles and gives an internal massage for all the organs.

Last, but not the least, learn to smile. People will consider you to be more sincere and friendly. Even a fake smile will do, as smiling actually releases feel-good chemicals called endorphins.

Sources:
1) National Health Service (NHS)
2) Mind

“For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind,” said Ralph Waldo Emerson, one of America’s great philosophers.

Before we learn how to manage anger, let us first understand what exactly ‘anger’ is. Anger is an emotion or feeling that ranges from irritation to extreme rage. It is not to be confused with aggression or hostility, which are more violent behaviors intended to cause bodily harm or damage to property.

Anger becomes a problem when it is expressed too intensely. It could lead to excessive physical strain on the body. It is a combination of emotional and physical changes.

A little bit of anger, in fact, is not that harmful in the short-term. It’s effective in releasing tension or can be used to control people. But in the long-term, it could lead to negative consequences.

When anger is expressed too frequently and aggressively, it can so easily become a habitual response in day-to-day situations. This is viewed as a maladaptive habit and could seriously hamper your way of life and often resulting in negative consequences.

The purpose of this article is to understand some techniques to manage anger effectively.

To break the habit of getting angry too often is to become aware of the situations and events that trigger conflicts in the first place. Once you’ve identified the triggers, you need to formulate strategies to effectively manage conflicts that could result in anger.

5 steps to resolve conflict

1. First you need to identify the specific problem that is causing you to get angry. For example, your train is delayed or your friend has said something nasty
2. Identify how you feel. For example, do you feel hurt, offended, annoyed or simply frustrated
3. Identify the outcome of the problem that is causing the conflict. For example, how your colleague would react if you went late to a meeting
4. Decide whether you want to resolve the conflict or forget about it altogether. It is essential to consider whether the conflict is important enough to bring it up
5. Resolve the conflict by setting up a fixed time and coming to terms with your feelings to get to the bottom of it

What are these triggers that make you angry? It could be an event or a situation you’ve encountered in your life, provoking you to react. These could be incidents that have happened in the past too. And just remembering them might bring back all those negative emotions and result in anger. A few common examples are: blamed for no mistake of yours, waiting in long queues, neighbor playing loud music, false rumors about you, your mate joking about a sensitive issue and etc.

The next step is to identify certain cues or signals that occur in response to the anger-provoking incident. These signals can be physical, behavioral, emotional or cognitive.

Let us look at the anger management techniques, which include Timeouts, Relaxation through breathing and Thought stopping.

Timeouts – This is a common anger management technique. Timeout means responding in any given situation instead of reacting hastily. You can start practicing by taking a few deep breaths and leaving the situation before it escalates or simply stopping a provoking discussion. It is an effective method that can be used in a heated conversation. You can take a timeout and talk to a close friend or go for a short walk.

Relaxation through breathing – It is an exercise that entirely concentrates on how to breathe deep and easy. First, take several deep breaths and try to release all tension in your body. Gently take three deep inhalations and exhalations. You can practice this regularly at home, office, in a bus or even when you are standing in a queue. It helps to relax before your anger escalates

Thought stopping – How often have you talked to yourself? This method resonates with it completely by simply stopping all negative thoughts and telling yourself not to do certain things that might escalate anger. For example, you can tell yourself, “I don’t need to get into this conversation or else I’ll get into trouble,” or “This is not for me, and let me get out of here.”

How anger affects health

Intense and unrestrained anger is linked to health conditions such as high blood pressure, headaches, insomnia, depression, anxiety, heart attack, and digestive disorders such as irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).

A rush of energy goes through the body as chemicals, such as stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, are released resulting in increased heart rate, blood pressure and temperature. Anger could also decline your immune system, making you more vulnerable to pick up infections.

In neuroimaging studies of anger, the most activated region of the brain was the lateral orbitofrontal cortex that is associated with motivation.

Psychological aspects of anger

For some people, anger could lead to breaking up with their families, ending their career, cause havoc in their relationships and even lead them to commit criminal offences. Uncontrolled anger has disastrous effects on the mind, prompting the individual to take actions that are unreasonable and irrational. Anger is known to cloud your thinking and judgment.

Mental Health Foundation conducted a survey and found out that 28 percent of adults said they are seriously concerned about how angry they sometimes feel, and 32 percent said they know a friend or relative who has problems controlling their anger.

A few myths about anger

Myth 1 – Anger is inherited
People often assume that anger is inherited and therefore cannot be changed. Research indicates that nobody is born with a specific way of expressing anger. However, expression of anger is a learned behavior and specific ways of expressing anger can be picked up during a lifetime.

Myth 2 – Anger normally leads to aggression
There is a misconception that the only way to articulate anger is through aggression. The truth is that there are better constructive and assertive ways to express anger.

Myth 3 – You have to be aggressive to get what you want
People often confuse assertiveness with aggression. Aggression is basically an act deemed to dominate, intimidate or harm a person, but assertiveness on the other hand is a method of expressing feelings of anger in a calm, respectful way without threatening or causing any harm.

Myth 4 – Venting your anger is desirable
People have always felt that aggressive expression of anger such as screaming out loudly or beating a pillow was therapeutic. Research has revealed that venting your anger aggressively will reinforce aggressive tendencies and nothing else.

The Jewish prayers and texts have some wonderful gems in them, even for those who don’t believe in God.

As follows are some quotes that have particularly inspired or moved me; hopefully they’ll do the same for you.

Please feel free to add your own by commenting.

1) If I am not for myself who will be for me? Yet, if I am for myself only, what am I? And if not now, when?

2) Say little and do much, and receive all men with a cheerful face.

3) Initiate a greeting to everyone, and it is better to be a tail to a lion than a head of a fox.

4) Don’t try to appease your friend when he is angry, or try to comfort him when the dead lie before him.  Do not try to see your friend in the time of his disgrace.

5) We can not explain either the suffering of the righteous or the happiness of the wicked.

6) Be careful of politicians.  They are your friends when it is to their advantage, but abandon you in your time of need.

7) The more flesh you have, the more the worms will eat.  Let the honor of your friend be as important to you as your own.  Don’t get angry easily, and repent one day before you die.

8) The day is short, the job hard, and the workers lazy.  You don’t have to finish your tasks on Earth, but you can’t abandon them, either.

9) What is wealth? Being happy with what you have.

10) “Do not rejoice when your enemies fall, or let your heart feel joy when they stumble, lest the Lord see and turn His displeasure to you.”

11) Do not look at the flask, but what is inside it.  There is a fancy bottle with bad wine in it.

12) According to the effort is the reward.

13) Do not be scornful of anyone, or doubt that anything can happen, for there is no person without his hour, no thing without its place.

14) When you pray, don’t follow a set routine or text, but rather beseech for mercy and pity, as it is written, “For the Lord is gracious merciful, slow to anger, and great in love.”

15) I returned and saw under the sun that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, yet they are all the same when a time of disaster falls upon them.

16) Like birds caught in the snare, like fish in a trap, are we when bad luck falls upon us.

17) Even though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will not fear evil for You are with me.

You might like:

1. 24 Ways to Improve your Life
2. Ethical Issues in Health and Medicine
3. 50 Tips on How to Make Friends

A lot of people really liked my post 50 Ways to Make Friends.

Many of my posts here are a bit too technical, and don’t get much response.  But it felt really good to write something that helped people.

So I decided to write another 50 Ways to Make Friends.

I hope this list of ideas and ways to make or improve friendships is just as useful!

1) Wear funny shirts

This is number one because it’s amazingly effective. Funny shirts help get conversations started in a wide variety of settings. Plus they can be quite cool.

2) Ask someone to show you their photos

People love sharing their photos. It can be Facebook photos or real ones; either way, they’ll like you a lot for asking.

3) Be eager to learn new things

Most people are experts in a certain field or area. Ask about their expertise!

They’ll be glad to share. You’ll learn something new while starting a new friendship. Pretty awesome.

4) Self promote a little

Don’t be ashamed to talk about the cool things going on in your life.

5) Remember things

Conversations are made a lot easier when you remember stuff already talked about.

6) Throw a party or event

A great way to reinforce old friendships, make new ones, and just have fun is to throw a party. You can make it a potluck to save money.  There are tons of possible variations and themes for you to consider.

7) Know what you shine at

Do things that you enjoy.  You’ll have fun and so will the people you’re hanging out with.  Conversely, don’t do things that bore the heck out of you.

8) Don’t be afraid to share

People have big hearts. If something is going on in your life, most people would love to help.

9) But hold back a little

Some things are private for a reason. This applies both to you, and to the people you’re talking to. Don’t dig too hard for juicy information.

10) Start a band!

Not for everyone, but starting a band is a great way to have fun.

11) Meet in public places

If you meet with your friends in public, like a coffee shop, your conversation might attract potentially cool strangers. Works especially well in college settings.

12) Have a way to get in touch

If you met someone and want to be friends, have a way to stay in touch!

13) Cook with friends

For some, inviting friends over to cook some complicated dishes is a great way to socialize. Plus you can eat the yummy food (or pretend to eat it while eating take-out pizza) while watching a fun TV show.

14) Accept invitations

Make it your habit to say “yes” when invited to a social event.

15) Be friendly

A bit obvious, but important. Even when you feel crappy, force yourself to be polite and friendly.

16) Don’t judge people

It’s easy to judge people. But you’re probably just as screwed up in different ways. No one does well in the spotlight.

17) Spread yourself out

Have a few close friends. Having just one very close friend has its positives, but can backfire.

18) Join a religious community

19) Help people out

As Jordan from Scrubs put it, “Helping someone move is great! It’s like oral sex. You do it once, and they owe you for the rest of their lives.”

Less cynically, it’s great to help your friends. And it’ll pay back when you need help.

20) Join an alumni organization

21) Compliment people

If someone does a great job, or just does something cool, let them know!  Everyone likes being appreciated.

22) Be a good conversationalist

This link has some good advice on how to be a good conversationalist.

23) Practice!

Practice being social. The more you try, the better and more natural it’ll become.

24) You’ll get rejected

Along the way, you’ll get rejected every now and then. Or maybe a lot of times. It’s ok. You’ll get there.

25) Be patient

Friendships take time to develop.  Patience!

26) Use mnemonics to remember names

When you meet someone, try to come up with an association of their name to help remember it.

27) Do something you love

28) Be a social activist

Get involved with social activism groups.  You’ll make a difference in the world while hanging out with like-minded people.

29) Have fun!

You’re an adult now for the vast majority of the time.  But when you’re with friends, you can be anything you want to.  So let loose a little – have fun!

30) Start a study group

Find a subject you and some friends would like to learn, then start a group to study it together.  Topics can range from web design to writing.

31) Stay in touch with those you meet/know

If you like someone and want to stay friends with them, try to see them at least 1-2 times a year.  For a good friend, it should be a lot higher, of course.

32) Be positive

Don’t complain, whine, gossip, et cetra.

33) Travel with friends

34) Get a pet!

Having a pet is pretty much like having a friend.  But of course, having a pet opens a whole new community to you.

35) Be there

When your friend needs help, give it.  Remember what’s really important in life.

36) Don’t give up

37) Make friends at work

38) Treat people like they’re important

39) Show that you like someone

It’s okay to show that you are friends with someone or think they’re cool. People like to know they’re valued

40) Go for drinks with someone

This one is a bit intense, but getting drinks with someone is a really powerful way to get to know them better. Just keep it in moderation.

41) Do something beyond the call of duty

42) Surprise your friends

Do something nice for a friend for no reason.  They’ll probably do the same for you.  Before you know it, both of your lives will be a bit more interesting.

And even if they don’t return the favor, you’ll feel good for having done something nice.

43) Go dancing

44) Practice basic hygiene

It’s hard to make friends when your breath smells like a dragon!

45) Ask people about their families

46) Know about body language

Body language is a tricky subject. But if someone suddenly starts tapping their foot, or crosses their arms, it’s possible you hit a sore spot. Don’t obsess over body language, but know the basics.

47) Relate to people in their way

48) Tell people about cool things!

49) Value the friends you have

Your friends are, flaws and all, a pretty awesome bunch.  Value what you’ve got!

50) Share useful sh*t like this list!

That’s right.  Studies show that sharing lists like this one not only wins you tons of new friends – it also makes you more attractive.

You might like:

24 Simple Life Tips

Do Antidepressants Really Work?

I hope this list was able to inspire some thoughts or give you a useful idea or two.  If so, please stumble or share it in some capacity to pay it forward =).

Questions are more powerful than statements.  They leave something unresolved, which creates room for the mind to fill in.

A question can turn your world upside down.

1) How can I make exercising fun?

2) What can I do that my grandkids will be proud of?

3) Who will calm you on a Monday night at 1am when your heart is broken?

4) Who am I holding a grudge against?  Why?

5) What does my gut feeling say?

6) What makes me happy?

7)  How can I help my community?

8) How can I make new friends?

9) How can I spend less time doing things I hate?

10) What’s an interesting new magazine that I can subscribe to?

Do you feel

a) like life sucks or is terrible?

b) overwhelmed or constantly anxious?

c) unable to concentrate ?

Therapy might be a good idea.  Here’s why.

We live in a hard world

Some statistics say one out of four people in the United States suffer from some sort of mental disorder.  You have to ask what’s going on.

I think it’s partly because we don’t have the support and structure that we used to.  Things have changed.  Life moves at an incredibly fast pace, and the Internet promotes a lifestyle that is superficial, fleeting and perhaps not satisfying.

Face to face time is replaced with hours spent self-promoting on Facebook and other social sites, trying to be a star.

We’ve forgotten that the most important and most meaningful thing to do is not be a star – but rather, to be there. There for your family, and there with your family and close friends as you go through life together.

Because we don’t have purpose anymore, because life moves so rapidly and is more artificial than ever, we’re suffering on the inside.  Therapy can help.

Therapy

Therapy can help you deal with your challenges, the things that make you cringe and lose sleep.  It can help you confront your greatest fears, and chart your own course.

Modern therapy is not like the psychoanalysis of Freud with a couch and years spent whining about your parents.  Instead, it focuses on the thoughts and assumptions which are holding you back or causing you anxiety.

There are different types of therapy based off different models of psychology, so be sure to pick someone you’re comfortable with.  The best idea is to find a therapist by referral, but if that isn’t possible, make sure to pick someone with credentials and who has experience with the issues you’re dealing with.

“A friend is a gift you give yourself,” – Stevenson

I wrote this list to help myself, and was surprised when other people really enjoyed it, thought it was helpful, and used it to improve their friendships.

If you find it useful, bookmarking it or saving a copy might be a good idea.

And if you especially like it, consider doing me a favor. (Vote for this article on Digg, link to it, leave a comment, and so on)

1) Listen to people!

2) Then ask about what they just said.

3) And make sure to remember their name!

Once you’ve got that:

4) Follow up afterwards

This is extremely, extremely important.  When you meet someone you like, follow up! Send an email, or a quick call or a whatever. Invite them to spend more time with you.

An interesting way to make it easier for your potential friend to hang out with you is to offer them two options when you initially contact them, like getting drinks or catching coffee.

If you don’t try to make friends, then you probably won’t.

5) Be excited to see people

Train yourself to be excited to meet people.

6) Treat everyone the same

To make the previous suggestion happen, think of everyone as being a close, dear friend whom you’re excited to see. Not easy to do, but it will change how you deal with people for the better and make you that much more likeable.

7) Get involved with clubs

Like dancing?  Cooking?  Whatever it is – find a relevant club, and get involved.

8) Get involved with your religious community

9) Visit someone when they’re sick

When someone is sick, they need our help most of all. Be considerate and caring; make them some chicken soup or a get well card. The effort means a lot.

10) Focus on safe topics

When you just met someone, don’t talk politics!

11) Don’t be afraid to ask about something more personal, but be gentle and careful

Some of the best conversations are about the thorniest issues.  Discussing religion, for instance, often gives me a whole new perspective and insights – but I have to be very careful not to be too strong with my own view.

12) Take ‘em into your element

What kind of environment or activity do you shine in? Are you an avid mushroom picker, or love to take long walks? Invite friends to join you!

13) Be that guy who starts conversations

You know the guy I’m talking about. The one who starts talking to a complete stranger like they’ve known each other for years. Be that guy! Talk to people about what they’re doing if it’s reasonable to do so.

14) Always greet people

If you can say “Hello” to someone do so, like your neighbors. Even if you never become friends, it’s a great habit to have.

15) He’s always right

When you have a fight or misunderstanding with someone, they’re always right. In their mind that is.

And they have good reasons – or just plain old bad reasons – for thinking so. How come?

16) Take culture into account

Different cultures have different ways of relating and expressing themselves. For Americans, a certain form of honesty is essential, and making eye contact. Other cultures have more emphasis on group support, and being more polite.

These differences can have a big impact on what expectations you have for a social interaction.

17) What do they like?

What do your friends like to do? What makes them happy? Make it your business to know.

18) Lose arguments

If you have a fight and you’re right, great. But don’t jeopardize a meaningful relationship over something small.

19) Don’t appease a friend in a moment of anger

If someone is angry, they might not be thinking rationally. Wait. Even if you want to talk to them right now, it’s best to wait until you’re both calmer and more capable of dealing with it.

20) Notice tadpole sales

Does a friend of yours love tadpoles? Then notice that coupon for free tadpole in the newspaper! Making the effort to notice opportunities and things that’ll benefit those you know, means that people will do the same for you.

21) Defend your friend’s honor

Don’t let people badmouth your friends.

22) If he gossips to you…

he’ll gossip about you. This Turkish saying is very true.

23) Don’t be efficient with people

Don’t try to rush your interactions with people.

24) Treat your promises seriously

If you tell your friend you’re going to do something, do it.  This is essential to build credibility and be a consistent person.

25) Be yourself!

Ultimately, people like you for you.  Forget about being artificial, about coming off the right way – just be yourself!

• “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Bonnie Wasmund

26) Try sites like meetup.com

Some social networking sites offer free chances to meet new people.  And its not as sketchy as you think because you meet in public settings.

27) Take a class

Educational settings are a great way to meet interesting and smart people – like yourself.

28) Learn a new language

This will add millions of potential friends to your life

29) Remember birthdays

30) Be friends with your family

Your family aren’t necessarily your friends – but they can be, and perhaps should be.

31) Read about friendship

Inspirational stories give you perspective and motivate you to be a better person

32) Refer your friends professionally

If your friend is a graphic designer, and someone you know needs one, why not make the connection?  Both sides will thank you!

33) Ask people about what they care about

34) Be positive

Bring a good energy to your friendships.

35) Don’t judge

If someone opens up to you, be respectful.  It probably wasn’t easy.

36) Test the water

Before telling someone a deep secret, make sure you can trust them.  Some people just can’t keep secrets.  Try giving a lesser but still juicy secret, and seeing if other people somehow find out about it.

37) Be nice!

Just find ways to be nice to your friends.  If you cook something, share it!  And so on.

38) Use facebook

Take advantage of facebook’s social features.  It tells you your friends birthdays, for instance, and can help organize and tell you about events.

39) Join online communities

Your favorite hobby probably has an online community based on it that you can become a part of.

40) Join a support group

41) Make a chore a group activity

Painting the house?  Cleaning the garage?  Become chore-buddies with someone!  This is great because there’s less pressure to talk and a focus on completing a task, which can create good feelings.  Plus it just makes the chore fun.

43) Conferences

Go to professional conferences in your field!  You’ll meet interesting like-minded people.

44) Make friends at work

45) Join a gym

and take classes. You’ll meet some cool new people!

46) Join a book group

47) Help friends at the airport

Traveling through airports is very stressful.  Take the time to see a friend off and help with baggage and so on; they’ll never forget it.

48) Be ready to help

Sometimes people ask for help at random times.  Notice what your friend isn’t saying.

49) Expand your friendship network

Make friends with your friends’ friends.  Rinse, and repeat.

50) Join a sports team!

• “Like wine, a good friendship only improves with age.” – Turkish saying

You might like:

1. 50 More Ways to Make Friends
2. 24 Way to Improve your life
3. The Ten Worst Diseases Ever
4. Ethical Issues in Health and Medicine

If this post was useful to you, I’m happy.

Here’s some pointers on life that I wish I had known earlier.

1) Treasure opportunities to stand out.

When someone has a birthday, write them a meaningful card or send them a personal email.

Always be ready to make someone feel special.  Did anyone ever do something that made you feel wonderful?  Now go and find a way to do that for someone else!

2) Exercise 2.5 hours a week.

Exercise has amazing health benefits.  It makes people feel better, improves circulation, and strengthens the immune system.  Make it a part of your routine.

Yes, it sucks.  But if you want to improve your life, exercise is by the far the best decision.

3) Promise little, do much

People hold you to your promises.  If you say something – then don’t do it – you’ve lost credibility.  But when you always meet your word, and exceed it, people know they can trust you.  And they associate you with excellence.

4) Always think “why am I here?”

Sometimes it’s hard.  You’re with someone, and you’re just not connecting, or you’re at an event and you’re just standing near the wall.

Why are you there?  What do you want?

In all areas of life, being able to think bigger and gain perspective refocuses you and lets you achieve.

5) Remind yourself why.

Why are you doing what you do? Let’s say you want to lose weight. Put a picture of a hot celebrity or yourself when you were skinnier on the refrigerator. Use a similar principal to keep your mind focused on whatever goal it is you have.

6) Listen to music.

Research shows that listening to music can increase your creativity.  When you do, mix it up!  Try classical, or African hip hop.  It’ll make you cooler and possibly improve your thought process.

7) Sleep at meetings.

I heard of a famous economist/mathematician who would always spend meetings with his eyes shut and leaned back. Anyone who didn’t know him assumed that he was sleeping. At the end, he’d lean forward and ask the most penetrating and interesting questions.

He learned best with his eyes closed, and he wasn’t worried what people thought about him.  Neither should you.

8) Think of your positive traits, not your bad.

A study asked one group of people to think of themselves as very smart and competent before taking a test. The other group was told to think negative thoughts.  Naturally, the positive thinking group scored significantly higher.

Before an important event in your life, stop.  Focus on your positive traits.

9) Commit yourself to your goals in a public setting.

If you want to do something, let people know.  Make promises to the people who matter in your life.  It’ll keep you focused, on target.  And being accountable makes you succeed.

10) Drink tea or coffee.

Tea and coffee have health benefits.  Additionally, they contain the magical substance caffeine, which can possibly give you a boost and make you perform just a little better.

11) Do one thing

Pick one habit you’d like to have, something small and easy.  Now do it, always, without compromise or fail.

The power of succeeding at one thing has radical effects.  Once you get in the habit of holding yourself accountable, and doing things, you’ll find it easier to face other challenges.  As the Chinese say, the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.

12) Call or email someone who you haven’t seen or spoke to in a while.

Don’t fall into obscurity!  Reach out to your friends.  Not only is socializing good for your health, it increases creativity and gives you a deserved break.

13) Present yourself professionally.

If you provide a service, have business cards.  Have a website!

14) Use to do lists.

Each day, write a list of tasks.  Then cross the tasks off as you accomplish them.  This holds you accountable and makes achieving your goals a little more fun.

15) Give, always give.

People naturally return favors.  If you are nice to people, people will be nice to you.  Of course, it goes without saying that sucking up and being nice just to gain favors is a bad idea.  Be genuine.

16) Don’t complain.

The next time you find yourself about to complain, take a step back.  Focus on a constructive answer, and reframe the issue.

17) Deal with paperwork once.

If you can deal with something immediately, do so.  Like if you can deal with an email right away, do so.  This will improve your efficiency and reduce how much time you spend on annoying small tasks.

18) Be eager to greet people, and do so with a smile.

19) Humility

Remember where you came from – a drop. Remember where you’ll go – a grave where worms will eat you.

And remember what you’ll leave behind – the memories of what you did.

20) Listen.

Ask relevant questions, be interested, and listen.

21) Learn from everyone.

Everyone has their place and their time.  The most annoying, hard-ass person you know?  Yes, him too.

22) Have a great photo of yourself

Having a photo of yourself that looks great will help you out in surprising ways.  Online, for instance, having a great photo in your profile will improve the way people think of you.  Most importantly, it might even help you think better of yourself.

23) Treasure your family

No one else loves you like they do.  No one else will be there for you at 2am.  Always put your family first – they’re the only people who really deserve it.

24) Review your flaws

We all have negative traits that get us into trouble time and time again.  The great philosopher Maimonides said that the best way to overcome a negative trait, is to do the exact opposite until doing so becomes second nature.

That might be a bit difficult for us normal people.  But know what your flaws are – and, more importantly, do something to remedy them.